Celebrity Golf Quotes

Welcome to Celebrity Golf Quotes

Celebrity Golf Quotes brings us a vast array of quotes from Actors & Actresses, Rock Stars, Comedians, and Movie & TV Personalities who have all had something to say about the game of golf.

Some of these people actually play the game, while others may not play, but still have some interesting observations about those people who do enjoy the game.

Enjoy this list of great quotes from a variety of Celebrities and Comedians. They are listed alphabetically by the authors names so you can more easily find your favorites.

Celebrity Golf Quotes

~ Alan Shepard celebrity golf quotes

  1. Got more dirt than ball. Here we go again. -Alan preparing to take another swing during his famous moon walk in 1971.
  2. Then I thought, with the same club head speed, the ball’s going to go at least six times as far. There’s absolutely no drag, so if you do happen to spin it, it won’t slice or hook 'cause there’s no atmosphere to make it turn.

~ Alice Cooper celebrity golf quotes

  1. Every rock n' roll band I know, guys with long hair and tattoos, plays golf now.

~ Bagger Vance

  1. The swing is never learned. It's remembered.

~ Bernie Mac celebrity golf quotes

  1. When I get a chance to play golf or go on a boat with good people, take the boat out and put some lobsters on the grill, get the ice-cold beer and the cigars - that's heaven here on earth.

~ Bill Murray

  1. When someone has a bad day like that on the golf course, you say, Greg, you look good, you look fantastic. I like your shoes, I like your pants, I like your...well, the hat's okay. I mean, you need to keep it light. Instead they say, Greg, what's next? Suicide? Alcoholism? Drugs? -Bill on the media's bludgeoning of Greg Norman after his 1996 Masters loss.

~ Bing Crosby celebrity golf quotes

  1. My golf is woeful but I will never surrender.

~ Bob Hope 

  1. Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass.
  2. Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you will go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink.
  3. I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there.
  4. I like to play in the low 70s. If it gets any hotter than that I will stay in the bar!
  5. I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.
  6. I’ll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.
  7. I'd give up golf if I didn't have so many sweaters.
  8. If I’m on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.
  9. If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
  10. Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?
  11. Vice President Spiro Agnew can not cheat on his score: because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded.
  12. We have fifty-one golf courses in Palm Springs. He (Gerald Ford) never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.

~ Bob Seger celebrity golf quotes

  1. If I want to work, I can. If I want to play golf, or ride my motorcycle, I can. But the rest of it is family. Sometimes you're not really needed by your family, but you're there. And my kids like to know I'm there.

~ Brad Pitt 

  1. I'd like to design something like a city or a museum. I want to do something hands on rather than just play golf which is the sport of the religious right.

~ Buddy Hackett celebrity golf quotes

  1. Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much.
  2. I've had a good day when I don't fall out of the cart.

~ Cameron Diaz 

  1. I can't wait to be that age and hanging out with a bunch of people hanging out all day playing golf and going to the beach, all my own age. We'd be laughing and having a good time and getting loopy on our prescription drugs. Driving golf carts around. I can't wait.

~ Celine Dion 

  1. Golf is a search for perfection, for balance. It's about meditation and concentration. You have to use hand and brain.

~ Charlotte Church 

  1. I know bugger all about golf.

~ Cheryl Ladd 

  1. Two things I take very seriously in life. My golf game and my relationship with God. Neither one is simple.

~ Connie Chung celebrity golf quotes

  1. For instance, he says I let him play golf, and he says, he lets me be miserable in my job. Now - that doesn't quite sound right, does it? But nonetheless, I think for the first time in my life, I'm not going to be miserable in my life when I come and work at CNN.

~ Darius Rucker 

  1. We raised almost 2 million dollars at the last golf tournament that can be used for minority scholarships and Junior Golf programs. The payoff for the work we do is so much more valuable than the work we actually do for it.

~ Dave Hill 

  1. Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at.
  2. My game is so bad I gotta hire three caddies- one to walk the left rough, one for the right, and one for the middle. And the one in the middle doesn't have much to do.
  3. The golf swing is like sex: you can't be thinking of the mechanics of the act while you're doing it.

~ Dave Williams

  1. If you want to beat someone out on the golf course, just get him mad.

~ David Brenner celebrity golf quotes

  1. I don't like to watch golf on television because I can't stand people who whisper.

~ David Hyde Pierce 

  1. I went and took golf lessons so Dad would let me play with him. I was just terrible... but I was able to have a wonderful time just walking around with Dad. I can see the real pleasure of that game.

~ Dean Martin 

  1. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.

~ Delta Burke 

  1. I get in my golf cart with my dogs, I have five dogs.

~ Dennis Quaid 

  1. I can't hit a ball more than 200 yards. I have no butt. You need a butt if you're going to hit a golf ball.

~ Dick Van Dyke 

  1. Stan said he used to keep Hardy late, make him miss his golf game, and really get him mad.

~ Dinah Shore 

  1. It’s the most humbling sport ever. It’s like a lousy lover. It’s like some guy who’s never there when you need him. Every once in a while, he comes and makes you feel like heaven on earth.. And then the moment you say, ‘I really need this,’ he’s gone.

~ Don Adams 

  1. I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in nothing. Missed the ball and sank the divot.

~ Don Christopher - (Jack Lemmon's Caddie) 

  1. When he gets the ball into a tough place, that's when he's most relaxed. I think it's because he has so much experience at it.

~ Dougray Scott celebrity golf quotes

  1. I tend to do golf charity things because it's much safer and you don't get much chance of a broken arm or leg.

~ Ed McMahon 

  1. Golf courses sell real estate and that's why they're built.
  2. The majority of people who buy homes in golf course communities don't play golf. Golf is way down at the bottom in terms of total numbers and growth.

~ Gil Gerard 

  1. I have a project at HBO and one at the Family Channel coming that are being looked at. Aside from that I am not doing much more than playing golf and some skiing.
  2. Prior to that I produced a couple of TV movies for CBS, but the truth of the matter is that I burned out for a couple of years. I didn't do anything for a while, apart from taking up golf, for which I got a four handicap.

~ Groucho Marx 

  1. I don't care to join any club that's prepared to have me as a member.
  2. I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.

~ Hal Linden celebrity golf quotes

  1. I challenge myself everywhere, onstage, on the golf course. Hey, isn't that the point of it all? To keep getting better? Otherwise why do it?

~ Happy Gilmore 

  1. To play golf you need goofy pants and a fat ass.

~ Henny Youngman 

  1. While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

~ Howard Keel 

  1. The only way to enjoy golf is to be a masochist. Go out and beat yourself to death.

~ Jack Benny celebrity golf quotes

  1. Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf... and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf.

~ Jack Lemmon 

  1. I was lying ten and had a thirty-five foot putt. I whispered over my shoulder: "How does this one break?" And my caddie said, "Who cares?"
  2. I would rather play Hamlet with no rehearsal than TV golf.
  3. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

~ Jackie Gleason 

  1. Obviously a deer on the fairway has seen you tee off before and knows that the safest place to be when you play is right down the middle.

~ James Caan celebrity golf quotes

  1. I always thought of myself as some sort of athlete until I started playing golf a couple years ago.

~ Jay Mohr 

  1. I hate golf. I do not understand how anyone can enjoy it, much less love it.
  2. I think golf is a waste of time and a waste of a sunny afternoon. I also stink at it. I have never found anything, including divorce and a sexual harassment suit, more frustrating.

~ Jeff Cesario 

  1. Who watches golf on TV? Who calls eight friends over and gets a keg of beer? Landscapers, I guess. They sit around the TV, yelling, Will you look at that golf path? Pure pea gravel.

~ Jeff Foxworthy 

  1. I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I’d spent about half the day in the woods.

~ Jello Biafra 

  1. You can spend the money on new housing for poor people and the homeless, or you can spend it on a football stadium or a golf course.

~ Jeremy London 

  1. I'm gonna be the best dad that ever lived. I'll have a ranch with a race car track and a golf course.

~ Joe E. Lewis 

  1. I play in the low 80s. If it’s any hotter than that, I won’t play.

~ Joe Mantegna 

  1. You know the way I play golf, it's a good I do these things for charities.

~ Joey Adams 

  1. If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.
  2. Most people play a fair game of golf - if you watch them.

~ John Goodman 

  1. It was cool for a couple of weeks, but how much bad golf can you play?

~ Jon Stewart 

  1. The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, they're going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him.

~ Justin Timberlake celebrity golf quotes

  1. I get way more nervous playing golf in front of 500 people than being on stage in front of 20,000 people.
  2. I like to play golf. I like to shoot hoops.
  3. You have a lot of time on these tours. As Alice Cooper said, you can either drink all day or golf.

~ Kevin Costner 

  1. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you’re not good at them.

~ Leslie Nielson 

  1. I wore that same shirt yesterday playing golf. There goes the Nike account.
  2. The reason they call if 'golf' is that all the other 4 letter words were used up.

~ Lou Graham

  1. Hitting the ball is the fun part of it, but the fewer times you hit the ball the more fun you have.
  2. If you try to fight the course, it will beat you.

~ Mac Davis 

  1. I was out on the golf course, a guy came riding out in a golf cart and said, Did you know that Elvis died? And I just said, well, there you go. It was like I had kinda been expecting it.

~ Mackensie Astin 

  1. When I am working it is up early and coffee and 15 hours of being on the set. When I am not working, it is up late and coffee, golf or softball and hopefully a ball game on the television.

~ Mancil Davis 

  1. Hitting a tree in west Texas is stranger than getting a hole in one.

~ Marc Anthony 

  1. Fame is addictive. Money is addictive. Attention is addictive. But golf is second to none.

~ Mark Goddard 

  1. Let the machine take care of the machines, and I'll go spend more time with my family, or golf.

~ Martin Sheen

  1. Anybody who plays golf will tell you that you play against yourself.
  2. Golf is fundamentally about being honest. I see people hit eight shots and tell me they shot five. I never say a word. It is a reminder to me of what is at stake.
  3. Those years on the golf course as a caddie, boy, those people were something. They were vulgar, some were alcoholics, racist, they were very difficult people to deal with. A lot of them didn't have a sense of humor.

~ Michael Murphy 

  1. Golf is a game to teach you about the messages from within, about the subtle voices of the body-mind. And once you understand them you can more clearly see your 'hamartia,' the ways in which your approach to the game reflects your entire life. Nowhere does a man go so naked.
  2. I have come to think that a person grows in his regard for the rules as he improves his game. The best players come to love golf so much they hate to see it violated in any way.

~ Mickey Gilley 

  1. All I want to do is do my shows and play golf.

~ Mila Kunis

  1. I love swimming, tennis, and I am taking up golf. I am not serious about it, I just go to the range and practice. Other than that, I enjoy going to the movies and hanging out with my friends.

~ National Lampoon celebrity golf quotes

  1. If you want to take long walks, take long walks. If you want to hit things with sticks, hit things with sticks. But there's no excuse for combining the two and putting the results on TV. Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns.

~ Paul Harvey 

  1. Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five.

~ Perry Como 

  1. But we do have a golf course near by and I play fairly regularly.

~ Peter Dawson 

  1. It is no secret that the Golf Foundation has had its difficulties.

~ Phil Harris

  1. When you start driving your ball down the middle, you meet a different class of people.

~ Phil Silvers 

  1. Be funny on a golf course? Do I kid my best friend's mother about her heart condition?

~ Phyllis Diller celebrity golf quotes

  1. The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.

~ Red Skelton

  1. Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

~ Robert Redford 

  1. Golf has become so manicured, so perfect. The greens, the fairways. I don't like golf carts. I like walking. Some clubs won't let you in unless you have a caddy and a cart. 
  2. I'm not interested in a film about golf but I am interested in golf as a metaphor.
  3. Sport is a wonderful metaphor for life. Of all the sports that I played - skiing, baseball, fishing - there is no greater example than golf, because you're playing against yourself and nature.
  4. You can't completely control the sport - Tiger Woods comes close. The test is against yourself and nature's own way. I find golf a particularly good metaphor for this story.

~ Robert Stack 

  1. I play bad golf for good charities like the LA Police.

~ Robert Wagner celebrity golf quotes

  1. One thing that golf teaches you is humility.

~ Robin Williams 

  1. Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.

~ Sammy Cahn 

  1. The life of the golfer is not all gloom; There's always the lies in the locker room.

~ Sean Connery 

  1. I met my wife through playing golf. She is French and couldn't speak English and I couldn't speak French, so there was little chance of us getting involved in any boring conversations - that's why we got married really quickly.
  2. You know, the Oscar I was awarded for The Untouchables is a wonderful thing, but I can honestly say that I'd rather have won the U.S. Open Golf Tournament.

~ Shia LeBeouf celebrity golf quotes

  1. And if you're a golfer and you watch a golf film and Matt Damon swing, and it's not great, then you're not going to believe in the golf story, you're not going to believe in the rest of the film. That's the whole movie, so if that swing looks like crap, the movie's crap. 
  2. I hated golf when we first started, but a big part of the training process was falling in love with this sport, so I went on tour with the UCLA Team.
  3. I trained more than anybody ever in a golf film ever made - my swing is pretty hot.
  4. I understand why marriages break up over golf. I can't even talk about my own handicap because it's too upsetting.
  5. When you look at golf films before us they're all - garbage or satire. A lot of sports films tend to vilify the opposition. Where the opposition becomes this big angry monster, so big you can't beat him.

~ Silk Stockings TV Show 

  1. The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music.

~ Smokey Robinson

  1. I played golf all over Detroit.

~ Sylvester Stallone 

  1. Playing polo is like trying to play golf during an earthquake.

~ Tea Leoni celebrity golf quotes

  1. At one point, I had 14 pairs of golf shoes.

~ Tim Allen 

  1. Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.

~ Tina Weymouth

  1. Art is not predictable. Art is not golf, as great as that may be. There are 360 degrees of choice to make.

~ Val Doonican 

  1. Golf is like an 18-year-old girl with big boobs. You know it's wrong but you can't keep away from her.

~ Vince Gill celebrity golf quotes

  1. The real beauty of it - key to my life was playing key chords on a banjo. For somebody else it may be a golf club that mom and dad put in their hands or a baseball or ballet lessons. Real gift to give to me and put it in writing.

~ Will Rogers celebrity golf quotes

  1. Golf is good for the soul. You get so mad at yourself you forget to hate your enemies. 
  2. I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
  3. The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.
  4. The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.

~ Willie Nelson  celebrity golf quotes

  1. All I do is play music and golf - which one do you want me to give up?

~ Wink Martindale

  1. You go to work, tape five shows in one day and then go home and play golf for the rest of the week and then start the week all over. I thought if something like that came along, I'd love to do that.

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