Writers Golf Quotes

Welcome to Writers Golf Quotes

Writers Golf Quotes is where you'll find some great quotes from the many gifted and talented Writers and Authors who have had something witty to say about our favorite game.

Some of these people have actually played the game, while others never even picked up a club - but thay have all had something to add to this page.

The quotes are listed alphabetical by the Author's name so you can more easily find your favorites.

Writers Golf Quotes

~ A. P. Herbert writers golf quotes

  1. Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behavior not otherwise excusable.
  2. My ball is in a bunch of fern, A jolly place to be; An angry man is close astern– He waves his club at me. Well, let him wave–the sky is blue; Go on, old ball, we are but two–We may be down in three, Or nine–or ten–or twenty-five–It matters not; to be alive, Is good enough for me.

~ A.A. Milne writers golf quotes 

  1. Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad.

~ Al Boliska writers golf quotes

  1. Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

~ Alistair Cooke 

  1. Golf is an open exhibition of overweening ambition, courage deflated by stupidity, skill scoured by a whiff of arrogance.

~ Andrew Lang writers golf quotes

  1. "I'm off my game," the golfer said And shook his locks in woe; "My putter never lays me dead, My drives will never go; Howe'er I swing, howe'er I stand, Results are still the same, I'm in the but, I'm in the sand--I'm off my game!"

~ Andrew Perry

  1. There are three roads to ruin; women, gambling, and golf. The most pleasant is with women, the quickest is with gambling, but the surest is with golf.
  2. There are three roads to ruin; women, gambling, and golf. The most pleasant is with women, the quickest is with gambling, but the surest is with golf.

~ Andy Rooney writers golf quotes

  1. Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.

~ Anon 

  1. Is my friend in the bunker or is the bastard on the green?

~ Art Rosenbaum writers golf quotes

  1. Art said he wanted to get more distance. I told him to hit it and run backward.
  2. Golf is a game in which the ball lies poorly and the players well.

~ Arthur Daley

  1. Golf is like a love affair. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart.

~ Arthur Marshall writers golf quotes

  1. Golf is hockey at the halt.

~ B. C. Forbes

  1. Golf without bunkers and hazards would be tame and monotonous. So would life.

~ Barry Fitgerald writers golf quotes

  1. A golf course is nothing but a poolroom moved outdoors.

~ Ben Wicks 

  1. In golf as in life, it's the follow through that makes the difference.

~ Bernie Lincicome 

  1. Samuel Ryder, the original patron of the Ryder Cup, was buried with his 5-iron, the only sensible thing to do with any golf club, really.

~ Bertie Forbes writers golf quotes

  1. Golf is an ideal diversion, but a ruinous disease.

~ Bertrand Russell 

  1. The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.

~ Blackie Sherrod writers golf quotes

  1. If Horatio Alger Jr. were alive today, he would love to write the tale of Jose Coceres, from Argentina rags to golf riches. The 38-year-old 140-pounder just won his second PGA Tour event, raising his 2001 take to $1.49 mil. Not bad for a poor ragged kid who learned to swing with a tree limb and subsequently helped raise 10 impoverished siblings.

~ Bob Allen 

  1. The fun you get from golf is in direct ratio to the effort you don't put into it.

~ Bob Bruce writers golf quotes

  1. What's nice about our tour is you can't remember your bad shots.
  2. You know you’re on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do.

~ Bob Ryan 

  1. A passion, an obsession, a romance, a nice acquaintanceship with trees, sand, and water.

~ Brian Swarbrick 

  1. There are no points for style when it comes to putting. It's getting the ball in the cup that counts.

~ Brian Weis 

  1. (Heard mumbling to himself while counting his score after putting off the green) I was on in two.... then again in four…
  2. (When asked how the putt breaked) It breaks towards the center of the earth when it is above the hole.
  3. Golf is like smoking, I have been trying to quit for years.
  4. I was asked by a golfer how to lower his scores. I replied start playing 9 holes instead of 18. It worked for me, it cut my scores in half.
  5. Never take a mulligan on a par 3. A "hole in three" is not a fun story to relive.
  6. That divot is so deep, I will need a sod cutter to fix it.
  7. That putt had more breaks than a government job.
  8. The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.

~ Bruce Lansky 

  1. I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.
  2. My psychiatrist prescribed a game of golf as an antidote to the feelings of euphoria I experience from time to time.
  3. Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife.
  4. Talking to a golf ball won’t do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.
  5. We learn so many things from golf- how to suffer, for instance.

~ Bruce McCall 

  1. Here's a simple way to abolish golf's elitist and exclusionary image and make it a truly all-American sport: ditch that fifties-Republican-martini-drinker's green Brooks Brothers-style sport jacket and make the winner of the Masters slip on something in, say, black leather with plenty of metal studs.
  2. It's easy to see golf not as a game at all but as some whey-faced, nineteenth century Presbyterian minister's fever dream of exorcism achieved through ritual and self-mortification.
  3. No game designed to be played with the aid of personal servants by right-handed men who can't even bring along their dogs can be entirely good for the soul.
  4. Not even Barbra Streisand celebrates herself as tirelessly as golf celebrates itself…

~ Charles Rosin writers golf quotes

  1. Golf isn't a game it's a choice that one makes with one's life.
  2. There's something intrinsically therapeutic about choosing to spend your time in a wide, open park-like setting that non-golfers can never truly understand.

~ Chuck Culpepper 

  1. We're so far into the long-hitting, super-equipment future, they're elongating even Augusta National, the Masters' home, an act of madness Price bemoans at age 44. Just sprinkle in some hungry fairway bunkers, he rightly contends. Don't make golf the equivalent of tennis-with-serves-only, warns the three-major-winner. He opens this PGA with 71, then bristles in his congenial way about Atlanta Athletic Club's villainous 490-yard, par-4 No. 18.

~ Chuck Hogan

  1. Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball, repeat until the ball is in the hole. Have fun. The end.

~ Chuck Stark 

  1. Grip it and rip it. It works for John Daly. It never worked for me. All I did was wear out golf gloves.

~ Colin Bowles writers golf quotes

  1. The fundamental problem with golf is that every so often, no matter how lacking you may be in the essential virtues required of a steady player, the odds are that one day you will hit the ball straight, hard, and out of sight. This is the essential frustration of this excruciating sport. For when you've done it once, you make the fundamental error of asking yourself why you can't do this all the time. The answer to this question is simple: the first time was a fluke.

~ Colman McCarthy 

  1. Indeed, the highest pleasure of golf may be that on the fairways and far from all the pressures of commerce and rationality, we can feel immortal for a few hours.

~ Dan Jenkins 

  1. A good one iron shot is about as easy to come by as an understanding wife.
  2. Always keep in mind that if God didn't want a man to have mulligans, golf balls wouldn't come three to a sleeve.
  3. Every golfer has at least 14 enemies: his clubs.

~ Dave Barry writers golf quotes

  1. Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. 
  2. For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.

~ Dave Kindred 

  1. One hundred years of experience had demonstrated that the game is temporary insanity practiced in a pasture.

~ Dick Emmons 

  1. Some golfers lie awake at night and brood on what went wrong; I'd rather think of what went right. It doesn't take as long.
  2. When hitting wedge shots, I've a flair, that’s turning my hair gray; they stop, I swear, right next to where the pin was...yesterday.

~ Don Herold 

  1. Golf may be a hussy, but I love her.
  2. Nobody ever looked up and saw a good shot.

~ Donna Evleth 

  1. The golf course being rather far, I have an excuse to take the car. And since the holes are far apart, I have an excuse to use a cart. But one thing has me still defeated—you cannot hit the ball while seated.

~ Doug Ferguson 

  1. Golf is no longer a game of hitting the ball, finding it, and hitting it again. There is wind to be measured, whether that means tossing blades of grass in the air or studying the gentle movement of 60-foot high branches. There are caddie conferences for even the most routine shots. There are sports psychologists who tell players not to hit until they're ready.

~ Edward Macauley

  1. Remember that someone, somewhere, is practicing, and when you meet him he will win.

~ Edwin Pope 

  1. The hole from hell is back ... If you don't drive a golf ball at least 268 yards, you will need the U.S. Navy on your left and the French Foreign Legion on the right.

~ Eric Linklater 

  1. All I've got against golf is it takes you so far from the clubhouse.

~ Ernest Hemmingway 

  1. The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green.

~ Fletcher Knebel writers golf quotes

  1. Find a man with both feet firmly on the ground and you’ve found a man about to make a difficult putt.

~ Franklin Pierce Adams 

  1. Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.
  2. Years ago we discovered the exact point, the dead center of middle age. It occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.

~ G. K. Chesterton 

  1. I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.

~ George Bernard Shaw 

  1. Golf is typical capitalist lunacy.

~ Grantland Rice 

  1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.
  2. Few learn golf in a lifetime.
  3. Golf gives you an insight into human nature, your own as well as your opponent's.
  4. Golf is 20 percent mechanics and technique. The other 80 percent is philosophy, humor, tragedy, romance, melodrama, companionship, camaraderie, cussedness and conversation.
  5. Golf is twenty percent mechanics and technique. The other eighty percent is philosophy, humor, tragedy, romance, melodrama, companionship, camaraderie, cussedness, and conversation.
  6. Like life, golf can be humbling. However, little good comes from brooding about mistakes we’ve made. The next shot, in golf or in life, is the big one.
  7. Rhythm is best expressed in any swing directed at a cigar stump or a dandelion head.
  8. This is the substance of our Plot—For those who play the Perfect Shot, There are ten thousand who do not.
  9. You are meant to play the ball as it lies, a fact that may help to touch on your own objective approach to life.

~ H. G. Wells writers golf quotes

  1. The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf - it's almost a law.

~ H. L. Mencken 

  1. If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be barred from any public office in the United States and the families of the breed would be shipped off to the white slave corrals of Argentina.
  2. It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.

~ Harper Lee 

  1. Well, they're Southern people, and if they know you are working at home they think nothing of walking right in for coffee. But they wouldn't dream of interrupting you at golf.

~ Henry Beard 

  1. “Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf. The other is "Wear it if it clashes."
  2. A ball will always come to rest halfway down a hill, unless there is sand or water at the bottom.
  3. A tap-in is a putt that is short enough to be missed one-handed.
  4. Duffers who consistently shank their balls are urged to buy and study Shanks – No Thanks by R.K. Hoffman, or in extreme cases, M.S. Howard’s excellent Tennis for Beginners.
  5. Follow through: The part of the swing that takes place after the ball has been hit, but before the club has been thrown.
  6. Play it as it lies' is one of the fundamental dictates of golf. The other is 'Wear it if it clashes'.
  7. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

~ Henry Colton 

  1. Every shot counts. The three-foot putt is as important as the 300-yard drive.
  2. Golf is a matter of confidence. If you think you cannot do it, there is no chance you will.

~ Henry Cotton 

  1. Missing a short putt does not mean you have to hit your next drive out of bounds.

~ Henry Longhurst 

  1. If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using "an outside agency" and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf.
  2. Playing golf is like learning a foreign language.
  3. They say ‘practice makes perfect.’ Of course, it doesn't. For the vast majority of golfers it merely consolidates imperfection.
  4. Whatever anyone may care to say about golf, at least one thing is mercifully certain, namely it is a voluntary affair.

~ Herb Cain writers golf quotes

  1. Baffling late-life discovery: Golfers wear those awful clothes on purpose.

~ Heywood Hale Broun 

  1. Golf is not, on the whole, a game for realists. By its exactitudes of measurements it invites the attention of perfectionists.

~ Horace G. Hutchinson 

  1. If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.

~ James Clark 

  1. Playing golf is just like going to a strip club. You're all revved up, ready to go. But three hours later, you're depressed, plastered, and most of your balls are missing.

~ James Patrick Murray 

  1. Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.

~ Jane Swan

  1. My golf is improving. Yesterday I hit the ball in one!

~ Jean Girardoux 

  1. A golf course is the epitome of all that is purely transitory in the universe, a space not to dwell in, but to get over as quickly as possible.

~ Jim Bishop writers golf quotes

  1. Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
  2. Mulligan: invented by an Irishman who wanted to hit one more twenty yard grounder.

~ Jim Murray 

  1. Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And it took a seven to do that.
  2. Golf is not a game, it's bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins.
  3. Golf is the cruelest of sports. Like life, it's unfair. It's a harlot. A trollop. It leads you on. It never lives up to its promises.... It's a boulevard of broken dreams. It plays with men. And runs off with the butcher.
  4. Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. A dinner without wine.
  5. I’m gambling that when we get into the next life, Saint Peter will look at us and ask, “Golfer?” And when we nod, he will step aside and say, “Go right in; you’ve suffered enough.” One warning, if you do go in and the first thing you see is a par 3 surrounded by water, it ain’t heaven.
  6. If your caddie coaches you on the tee, 'Hit it down the left side with a little draw,' ignore him. All you do on the tee is try not to hit the caddie.

~ John Gunther 

  1. One travels like a golf ball, hopping from green to green.

~ John Hallisey

  1. The worst day on the golf course still beats my best day in the office.

~ John Updike 

  1. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
  2. The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.

~ Larry Ramirez 

  1. Golf is a game, not a sport.

~ Mark Twain 

  1. Golf is a good walk spoiled.
  2. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

~ Martha Beckman 

  1. Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one.

~ Michael Bamberger 

  1. Swinging at daisies is like playing electric guitar with a tennis racket: if it were that easy, we could all be Jerry Garcia. The ball changes everything.
  2. The number eighteen is symbolically meaningful because it is the numerical equivalent of the Hebrew word chai, which means life.
  3. Where do I begin to try to explain the joys of Machrihanish? It was remote and undiscovered and that implies a great deal immediately...but what else?...It was a course that brought out the best in my game, a course sublime in its natural beauty, a course that moved Old Tom Morris to say (according to Peter Kelly), 'The Almichty maun hae had gowf in his e'e when he made the place.

~ Michael Green

  1. Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom.
  2. The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is equal to the square root of the sum of the number of curses heard plus the number of swishes.

~ Miles Bantock 

  1. I drove a ball into the air. It fell to earth, I know not where. But if I'd found it, I'll bet you, I would have done that hole in two!

~ New York Tribune (1916) 

  1. Golf is, in part, a game; but only in part. It is also in part a religion, a fever, a vice, a mirage, a frenzy, a fear, an abscess, a joy, a thrill, a pest, a disease, an uplift, a brooding, a melancholy, a dream of yesterday, and a hope for tomorrow.

~ Osbert Sitwell

  1. A golf course outside a big town serves an excellent purpose in that it segregates, as though a concentration camp, all the idle and idiot well-to-do.

~ P.G. Wodehouse 

  1. "After all, golf is only a game," said Millicent. Women say these things without thinking. It does not mean that there is a kink in their character. They simply don't realize that they are saying.
  2. Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious.
  3. Golf... is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well.
  4. He enjoys that perfect peace, that peace beyond all understanding, which comes at its maximum only to the man who has given up golf.
  5. Sudden success in golf is like the sudden acquisition of wealth. It is apt to unsettle and deteriorate the character.
  6. The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows.
  7. The only way of really finding out a man's character is to play golf with him.
  8. To find a man's true character, play golf with him.

~ P.J. O'Rourke writers golf quotes

  1. Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.

~ Patric Dickinson 

  1. Thou giv’st me to the world’s last hour, A golfer’s fame divine; I boast–thy gift–a Driver’s power, If I can Putt–’tis thine.

~ Paul Gallico 

  1. If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out.

~ Pete Alfano 

  1. One almost expects one of the players to peer into the monitor and politely request viewers to refrain from munching so loudly on cheese and crackers while the golfers are trying to reach the greens.

~ Peter Dobereiner 

  1. Half of golf is fun; the other half is putting.

~ Richard Armour 

  1. G is for Green, that's constructed to roll in every direction away from the hole.
  2. I sank a long and curling putt, It's like I've seldom seen; It would have helped my scoring but, 'Twas on the practice green.
  3. If I ever make a hole in one, A thrill that I've never known, I won't be believed and I'll have no fun, For I'm sure to be playing alone.
  4. If only I kept my eye on the ball, looking downward as does the pro there, I might not see where it was going, at all, but there might be a chance it would go there.
  5. Some golfers blast their ball from traps, with one adroit explosion, but others, out in ten perhaps, depend upon erosion.
  6. This golfer has a wicked slice. And quite a follow-through. That’s why his partner, who stood too close, is on the green in two.

~ Richard Roeper 

  1. You can't take up golf on a whim and find yourself competing against Tiger Woods in the Masters six months later.

~ Rick Reilly writers golf quotes

  1. Golf is the cruelest game, because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money and slap you around.

~ Robert Browning 

  1. The trouble that most of us find with the modern matched sets of clubs is that they don’t really seem to know any more about the game than the old ones did.
  2. There are three ways of learning golf: by study, which is the most wearisome; by imitation, which is the most fallacious; and by experience, which is the most bitter.

~ Robert E. Zorn 

  1. Go ahead and putt, you are not interrupting my conversation.

~ Robert E. Zorn 

  1. Go ahead and putt, you are not interrupting my conversation.

~ Robert Lynd writers golf quotes

  1. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.

~ Roger Kahn 

  1. Tennis and golf are best played, not watched.

~ Samuel Johnson 

  1. Golf: A game in which you claim the privileges of age and retain the play-things of youth.

~ Sir Walter Simpson 

  1. When a putter is waiting his turn to hole out a putt of one or two feet in length, on which the match hangs at the last hole, it is of vital importance that he think of nothing. At this supreme moment he ought to fill his mind with vacancy. He must not even allow himself the consolation of religion.

~ Stephen Baker writers golf quotes

  1. A professional will tell you the amount of flex you need in the shaft of your club. The more the flex, the more strength you will need to break the thing over your knees.

~ Stephen Leacock writers golf quotes

  1. Golf may be played on Sunday, not being a game within the view of the law, but being a form of moral effort.

~ Ted Osborne writers golf quotes

  1. Golf is very healthy; it is better to swat pills than to swallow them.

~ Thomas Boswell

  1. I may be the only golfer never to have broken a single putter, if you don’t count the one I twisted into a loop and threw into a bush.

~ Thomas Risk writers golf quotes

  1. And thus, with self-deception bland, We mourn the fours that should have been, Forgetting, on the other hand, The luck that helped us through the green; Calmly accepting as our due The four-hole which we fluked in two.

~ Westbrook Pelger 

  1. Golf is the most useless outdoor game ever devised to waste the time and try the spirit of man.

~ William Wordsworth

  1. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.

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